March 27, 2018 Eric Blauer

The Easter Battle of 733

Every Easters, I hear folks getting uptight or asking questions about the legitimacy of Christians participating in coloring eggs, eating chocolate bunnies and holding little chicks. This is my answer. 

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In 733 the hamlet of Brusselsprout was all astir,
church bells clambered with fearful ferocity,
the apocalypse’s rumored eve was near,
for the nearby village of Dingledort was surely burning!

Hordes of menacing fluffy beasts,
stampeding hedges, leaping across porches,
scurrying over shuttered rooftops,
zigzagging neighing ponies feet!

The night full of screeching and scratching,
the battle of ‘aggedon was upon them!
Flashes of yellow lightning,
over-taking every hollow and hill!
Talons and beaks flashing,
frantic fluttering scampering,
clucking the prophesied doom!

Springtime horror!
Diabolical dress!
Yellow as bile,
green as dragon’s breath!
Devilishly sweet to the taste,
ancient poison of the soul.

Sister Sauerkraut wielded her broom,
like galiant St. George on his steed,
fighting the invading hordes of hell,
the furry and feathered…Mephistopheles!

Before each Easter,
the diabolical tale is told,
by pulpit and paper,
whisper and whimper,
of masses driven mad by the devils goad,
beware the bunnies, chicks and sweets,
heed the warning of this frightening ode!

A helpful postscript:
This Ode is inspired by the tradition of Easter having its roots in Saxon paganism by Venerable Monk Bede:
“In olden times the English people…calculated their months according to the course of the Moon. April, Eosturmonath…Eosturmonath has a name which is now translated “Paschal month” and which was once called after a goddess of theirs named Eostre, in whose honour feasts were celebrated in that month. Now they designate that Paschal season by her name, calling the joys of the new rite by the time-honoured name of the old observance.”
-Written by the monk, Venerable Bede in ‘De temporum ratione’ (On the Reckoning of Time, c. 730)

My tongue is squarely in my cheek.

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About the Author

Eric Blauer I am barbarian, sage, saint, bard, husband and father. Bow my knee to only One, serve all, ruled by none.

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